


237 - Don't Delete the Kisses (by Wolf Alice)

by storiesaboutvan



Category: Catfish and the Bottlemen (Band)
Genre: F/M, Reader-Insert, Songfic NonCatfish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 17:31:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17390627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesaboutvan/pseuds/storiesaboutvan
Summary: Filling the prompt "songfic about dont delete the kisses by wolf alice please??? wherein reader has been liking van for months now and had a few awkward text messages with him like greeting van during christmas and new year then 6 months after they meet again but reader feels like van is out of her league but they somehow get close at the end because of their similarities"





	237 - Don't Delete the Kisses (by Wolf Alice)

Van McCann had always been on your radar. He was in your older sister's social world since forever and as you watched him grow up… glow up… his little dot on your radar started to flash red and make piercing beeping sounds. The more you learned about him, the more you thought you and him would make a good couple. You liked the same music and movies. You hung out at the same places. You knew the same people. It would be so easy. You could date, fall in love, get married, the whole thing. But that was it - the dream seemed too perfect.

"What if the whole thing just isn't what I'm meant to have?" you asked Will.

He rolled his eyes at you. "We've been through this, Y/N,"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, but think about it. I've never had a proper relationship. Never even really liked someone proper. Maybe I'm just not meant to be in a relationship. Like, maybe my friends will just always be my family."

Will groaned loudly and stood up. He walked out the room; from the kitchen, he yelled, "Just ask Van out for fuck's sake."

You liked being right about things. So, when your friends said you were wrong about being doomed to be single forever, you just had to prove otherwise. You called your sister and asked about Van. She laughed down the line while you sat annoyed.

"I knew it! I fucking knew it!" she said.

"Yep, anyway-"

"Fuck. I remember that time I had a party out the back when I was like, sixteen or something, and you spied on us the whole time from the kitchen window. You wore Dad's Van Morrison shirt for a week after. Oh my god. This is so funny, Y/N,"

"Please, please shut up. I'm sorry for asking. I'm going. Bye-"

"No! No, Y/N. Wait. Sorry. Give me a sec." She settled her laughter and took a deep breath. "Okay. Um. He's single right now. I reckon they're home too. Just been in the U.S. or something. So, if you want to get to know him, I can like, ask him out for coffee or something and you can tag along?"

"Are you gonna make this weird?" you asked. Regardless of what she said, the answer was truthfully yes. Of course she was going to.

…

Van was already at the café when you arrived. He was sitting at a round table near the window. You considered waiting on the street corner for your sister, but she'd give you so much shit for that. "He don't bite!" she'd laugh. So, you went inside and walked to the table.

"Ah, hi, Van-"

Van stood, the movement stopping your sentence. You were about to explain who you were, in case he didn't remember. Why wouldn't he remember? You knew he still called your parents by their first names whenever he bumped into them. Your mum loved it. Van pulled you into a hug then motioned towards a chair.

"How you been, Y/N?"

The chit chat was easy enough, but you kept an eye on the clock above the counter. Fifteen minutes after the meeting time, your phone vibrated along the table at the same time as Van's. A group message: hey guys, sorry - cant make it. Raincheck? hav fun & we'll catch up soon xo

Instantly you knew it was her plan the whole time. Van, however, did not.

"Huh," he said. "Guess we can order then. Saw they got these monster Mars Bar muffin things. Gonna get ten. What do you want?"

Your mouth went dry and your brain tried to make your mouth form words. Van grinned. "Ahh…"

"They have gingerbread cookies. You used to love them. Still do?" he asked. You nodded slowly. "And you hate coffee. I got this one, Y/N."

He stood up and casually strode off to the counter. You watched him order, making both the girl taking orders and the guy making coffee laugh. He returned quickly and looked over at you. He remembered you liked gingerbread and hated coffee. Fuck. In your mind, you imagined an alternative universe. In the AU you were brave and bold. You pulled Van outside and pushed him against the wall, kissing him hard and demanded to be loved. In the AU he already did.

…

Maybe shouldn't have got the second muffin 😔

Van messaged you only an hour after coffee. You stared at the text message trying to decide if it were cooler to message straight away or give it some time.

Told you to just take it home!

yeh, k, u were right. It was good 2 catch up

It was the perfect opportunity to set up a second date. Not date. You kicked yourself for calling it that. It was the perfect opportunity to set up a second… hang out session. Or whatever.

Yeah 😊

What the fuck. Yeah? And Van must have read it as a request for space. He didn't ask you out.

U going to Chris's party next week? he asked instead. 

Yeah, see you there?

Yeh! Cool. Good to see u, Y/N xx

You wanted to correct his grammar but were overwhelmingly distracted by the kisses in his message.

See ya xx you wrote, then deleted the kisses and replaced them with the peace sign emoji. 

…

The party was 'Office Christmas Party' themed, despite not being in December. It was genius, really. There was a photocopier people used to make prints of their body parts. Bondy, who you'd never met properly, seemed to be most impressed with the machine. His ass was everywhere. A tree had been set up, boxes of decorations at the base ready for people to have fun. Tinsel and eggnog and Christmas bonuses given out. Chris was writing people real life checks for one dollar.

You were there for a couple hours before finding Van. Sitting on the couch between a stranger dressed as Santa and Will, you watched Van walk in. He was carrying a bottle of wine and as he took a swig straight from it, the entire room disappeared. Time stood still. The whole world reduced to just him. Fuck.

If Van noticed you, he wasn't showing it. Nervous shaking body and overthinking mind, you refused to say hi first.

"Y/N, you're wasting a good opportunity," Will said.

"I'm just gonna go get some fresh air," you replied.

"But Van went the other way!" Will called out after you.

The front yard wasn't as busy as everywhere else. You felt less trapped as you sat on the front step and considered which of your three options to take. The first seemed the best but was so obviously driven by self-doubt. Leave. You could catch the last bus of the night. The second seemed the most destructive. Drink the spiked eggnog and see what happened next. The last was the most terrifying and least likely to transpire. Talk to Van.

"Whatcha doing, pretty lady?" Van's unmistakable voice asked. You looked up at him as he dropped onto the step next to you. He'd already picked option two. His lips were stained with the wine and his bottle was gone, presumably entirely consumed. "A little bird told me you were out here,"

"Will?" you asked. Van tapped his nose. You nodded and looked away.

"So… what are you doin' out here?"

"Fresh air,"

"Fresh air," he repeated. "Are ya havin' a good time? Pretty mad party, right? You seen what they've done to that poor reindeer toy thing? Gotta be illegal,"

"That was your mate that did that," you told him. Van smirked.

"Larry? Yeah. I had no part in it. I'm the respectful one," he said, words slurred just a little.

"Sure…"

For a few minutes you both watched the other people in the yard. Someone was dragging an inflatable Santa around while singing Christmas carols.

"You wanna go in? Get a drink?" Van asked.

All of your vital signs spiked. Your body reacted and it felt like panic, like flight or fight. You didn't feel all warm and tingly and good. If you said yes, followed Van in, what if it led to more? It is what you wanted, but then you'd be wrong about love not being your thing, about relationships not being something for you. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"Ah… I was thinkin' of leaving, actually," you replied slowly.

Van's brows furrowed together. In his drunken state, he couldn't read your expression precisely. If he was sober, he probably wouldn't have been able to either though.

"Why?"

"Think I'm a bit too shy for parties this cool," you said in a lie. Van made a snorting sound, shaking his head.

"Nah, love. You gotta get over that," he said. What he meant was 'please stay with me.'

You stood up and took the two steps to the front path. "Gonna go catch the bus," you said, pointing over your shoulder with your thumb.

Van chewed his lips, looked away, then back at you. He nodded. "Least let me walk you to the bus."

…

Home safe?

Yep. Thank you. 😊

Easy, sleep tight love x 💙

Night, Van and again, you replaced kisses for the bed emoji and the same blue love heart he had used. 

…

The café and the party had given you hope and it was horrible. Doing your absolute best to try not to show you liked Van was an extreme failure. He was all you could talk about. Oh, you know Van was named after Van Morrison? Van takes his coffee like that. Oh my gosh, look at this photo, it reminds me of Van. One time you even recited a joke to someone at work and pretended it was yours when it was something Van said in a late night text message. In the end, Will snapped.

"Jesus, Y/N. I know you're being all stubborn and shit, and don't wanna be wrong, but fuck. It's a sign, you know? All this talkin' about him and texting and stuff. It means you should just date,"

"I'm not being stubborn,"

"Yeah, sure, and I'm not still salty that Pearl didn't win season 7 of Drag Race."

…

Hey. Touring south america in couple of weeks. U went as a kid? Whats it like?

You read the text message then poured vodka over ice.

Yeah, I did. It will be summer there soon, so pack shorts.

Van didn't own shorts, you knew that.

dont own shorts 🙁 make my legs look like sticks

You laughed to yourself and it was a bitter sound. Downing the vodka and pouring again, you whispered out loud, "You work better on your own."

…

You bumped into Van at the shops. When you got home he messaged you a string of emojis representing the foods you'd talked about. You stopped by your sister's unannounced, only to find him and Larry there. Fate was out to get you. Your world felt like it was tipping, turning upside down. Losing self-control, you spent more time looking at photos of him stored in your mum's photo books. Even as a kid, he was still so enigmatic and soft and kind.

A walking cliché, there wasn't any way forward that didn't involve Van unless you wanted heartache. Swallowing your pride, entertaining the notion that maybe relationships and love could be for you, you sent a message.

Hey. Are you going to that thing on Friday?

He replied within the minute. hey, love, yeh. U coming? 

Yeah. 👍

Epic. save me a dance xxx

Definitely. xxx

…

Stalking through the bar, you tried to look as casual as possible. Will followed along at your side, happy to be wingman;"Finally!" 

You spotted Larry but no Van, then your sister at the bar. She pointed to the back of the room, to the beer garden door.

"You should go alone," Will said, taking the bottle from your hand. You whined as he did. "No, you need to be drinkless in case he offers to buy. Come on, Y/N, get with it,"

"What if I have made all this up in my head?"

"Oh my god. Not even a month ago you were sure you were perfect for each other and the only problem was the idea of being in a relationship. You're still perfect for each other, and now you know you're wrong about the relationship thing,"

"I'm not wrong. Not yet. We're testing,"

"Whatever," Will said with a shrug. "He's an experiment. Whatever. Just… Go," he urged, nudging you. You nodded, turned around and headed out the back.

The beer garden was quiet, a surprise. You expected a blanket of humans to protect you while you scoped out the situation. Instead, as soon as you walked into the courtyard, Van looked up. He was sitting alone on a low garden wall. A group of girls sat on a table to your left. They were dressed inappropriately for the weather, but they looked beautiful and so it was obviously worth it. A couple were to the right of you, sharing whispers and looking at things on their phones, swapping every so often. Van smiled. He smiled wide and put his cigarette out. He beckoned for you to come to him with a curled index finger. Fuuuuuuuuuck.

He held his arms out for you to stand between and as you got close, he stood.

"Don't you look fuckin' beautiful tonight," he said.

The hug was warm and he wasn't letting go. You rested your head on his shoulder, getting more comfortable. Minutes went by as you both settled into each other. Van slowly rocked you both from side to side. When you finally parted, you looked at each other. Van went to speak.

"Wait!" you said. He grinned again, like he knew what you were about to do.

You took a breath in, looked up at the starless sky, then back to a waiting Van. When you moved to lean in, he mirrored you, and your lips collided.

So, yeah, the whole thing was perfect - suspiciously so. But, it didn't mean it was unobtainable. It didn't mean love wasn't meant for you, that Van wasn't. You said it yourself; he was always on your radar. He was always in your world. No more talking yourself out of it. No more deleted kisses. No more self-doubt. Just Van McCann and his poor grammar and warm skin.


End file.
